It isn’t easy finding the right date for the big dance. (ronstarr64)

Sure, winging it every week over at the Paulick Derby Index is fun, but I don’t have any fancy system or giant homegrown matrix to evaluate this year’s Derby hopefuls. The analytic part of me has been berating myself for not putting together some slick way to arrive at my rankings while the overwhelmed with work side of me says “f you” to the analytic side. Nice!

But back to the Derby hopefuls for a moment, rather than try to pretend like I have any kind of justification or process for my rankings, I’ll just stick to what’s worked for me in the past.

Let’s face it, we know just enough about our Derby suitors to start some serious speculation. Have you been writing The Pamplemousse over and over again in your notebook? Did your mom totally yell at your for doodling I Want Revenge on your new sneakers? Join the club… and welcome to the first installment of Derby Dating 2009, I Saw You in the Hallway!

And because I can’t improve on last year’s intro twirl…

Bandwagon jumpers, believers, non-believers, and hype haters… we’re all looking for the same thing, right? To fall in love. But we’re skeptics… hurt so many times in the past, afraid to open our hearts again and be made a fool of. So we’re cautious, asking our intendeds to jump through hoop after hoop after hoop before we’ll say with certainty “I love [horse name]!”.

Maybe I don’t believe in monogamy… I believe it’s ok to love one and bet on another, or even multiple others! I like to have an open relationship with a horse. I may love you with all of my heart, but if your odds are too low I’m probably not going to bet on you. Sorry honey!

It’s close enough to the big dance now that I can start to evaluate my Derby suitors. For the most part I’ve seen enough to know who’s just a fleeting interest and who’s got some real potential.

Just a crush? Let’s be friends? Or I really think we could be something special… only time will tell! Until then, here’s how they’re stacking for me.

Stardom Bound:

It’s no secret that I prefer the ladies and with lookers like this roaming the halls is it any wonder? She’s got it all… strength, class, heart and beauty! But like all smart kids who rocket to the top of their class early, she’s gonna have to buckle down now that others are catching up with her. And then there’s that small question of dirt. I know she can do it, she’s dreamy!

Freisan Fire

But then there’s this guy, over shadowed by his more popular stable mate, minding his own business and clearly not napping in study hall. He certainly has been looking hot lately, Old Fashioned who? Is he summa cum laude this year? Perhaps…

Old Fashioned:

Maybe now that his perfect reputation is tarnished he can relax a bit… he’s been chasing some wicked paces lately! I guess he hasn’t seen the after school special about keeping up with the fast kids only causing trouble in the end. If he sticks to his game plan and runs his own race, he’ll be fine. Good thing he’s got a good coach!

I Want Revenge

Moving in the middle of the school worked out great for this guy! He can go the distance, sitting off a hot pace while throwing in a little duel to boot. Sweet! Hopefully he can do the same thing as kids the bigger and more tough too. But what about that green rider with a lot to prove? There was some speculation at the parent/teacher conference about whether this could be his undoing.

Quality Road

It’s hard not to like like this guy after his last performance, rating beautifully off a hot pace and putting away a somewhat accomplished field. But I want to see if he can go the distance before I start sending signals that I’m really interested.

Desert Party

It’s always a bummer when a hottie gets shipped to boarding school. We keep hearing that he’s doing well and he definitely looked great the last time we all saw him. Do those fancy boarding schools really prepare students for the real world? I hope so!

Imperial Council

I only caught a glimpse of this fine looking fellow’s last performance but he sure did look promising darting in front of Mr. Fantasy in the last moment to catch second. Needless to say, I want to see more!

Pioneerof The Nile:

Here’s a guy that’s hard not to like but call me old fashioned, I want to make sure they like the dirt before I can give my heart away. Obviously I’ve made an exception for my beloved, Stardom Bound… she’s dreamy!

The Pamplemousse:

There’s always a hot guy at a neighboring school that everyone is crazy about, and I can see why. But the big dance isn’t at his school and he’s not going to have the home court advantage. How good will he look then?

Theregoesjojo:

His name is fun to say and he’s always near by but not quite when you want him to be. I don’t know, I think he could turn out to be big dance material.

Beethoven:

Is he putting it all together or falling apart? I can’t tell. I think he’s probably got it going on but only time will tell. I hope time tells soon!

Dunkirk:

Dunkirk, Dunkirk, Dunkirk… why do I keep hearing this name? I haven’t really seen him yet but so many people are totally saving a seat in the cafeteria for him. Whatever, I’ll wait and see what the deal is when he actually shows up, it’s not like there’s no one else to be interested in.

Rachel Alexandra:

I’m pretty sure I’m not giving this gorgeous thing a fair shot out of loyalty to my dreamy beloved. But quite frankly Rachel, I’m a little afraid who know who might kick my you know what if she found out I thought you were hot! Let’s put this way, I’ve got my eye on you… did you get that note I left in your locker?

Papa Clem:

I’m glad to see your parents had the sense to switch schools but I still can’t tell if you fit in or not. I’ll just give you a chance to get settled in and see what you’ve got next time out.

West Side Bernie:

I like this guy’s style, he knows he’s already got a spot at the big dance if he wants it so he doesn’t have to sweat it like the others. The only thing he has to do is stay focused on himself… and that kind of cool confidence is mighty attractive! The only problem is since he never comes to class we can’t really get a good look at him. Is he just another pretty face or could he be the real deal? We should know more Saturday… and by the way, thumbs up on the jockey change!

Chocolate Candy:

Mmmm, candy. Yes, please! Wait, it’s a horse? Ok, I guess I’ll wait and see what his deal is. I had no idea. I hope he’s hot!

Mr. Hotstuff & Mr. Fantasy:

Is that really your name? Yeah right!

Mafaaz:

Accents are totally hot. Is he cute?

Hello Broadway:

Hello, turf? Maybe he should follow in his half-brothers footsteps and try the turf. Even though I don’t want to go to the dance with him, I’d definitely be seen in the hallway with him, you know, later in the year.

Flying Pegasus:

He would so totally be on my “Next Stop, Like” list if his connections hadn’t taken him off the trail. I was willing to give him one more shot given the slop last out. Oh well, I’ll see you over the summer hot stuff!

I caught a little flack last year, and rightfully so, for not also doing an Oaks Dating counterpart. So this year I’ll be channeling my inner-tween puppy love style of evaluation towards the fillies… look for “Oaks Dating 2009, I’m Coming Out” soon!